Week 3 Predictions: Cupcakes and Lackluster Rivalries

Auburn wasn’t the only one who had a terrible performance last week. After I blew up week one, last week was a disaster. I got a little ambitious and picked with my heart over picking with my head. I thought for sure Ole Miss and Kentucky would embarrass the conference further. Nope. Time to get better.

Last Week: 5-6
This Week: 9-3
Overall: 27-9 (75.0%)

9/15

Presbyterian at Vanderbilt – The Commodores are probably the only student-athletes in the SEC that could tell you where the Presbyterian mascot came from. They are known as the Presbyterian Blue Hose. No, that’s not the same thing as promiscuous girls that were out in the cold too long. It’s something a little less skanky.

Back in the Middle Ages, the clergy wore blue stockings, or hose, to set themselves apart from the rest of society. Obviously, Presbyterian is a religiously based school, so there you go. And that was your history lesson for the day.

The Commodores will get their first win and get it by a lot.

Vanderbilt 41, Presbyterian 3

Vanderbilt 58, Presbyterian 0 – SUCCESS!

Texas A&M at SMU – You’re playing at SMU? AT SMU?! You’re in the SEC now. You don’t do that. Man up, and get the little teams to come to your house. You had a shot to beat Florida last week, and you blew it like you did most games in the Big 12. What? Do you want back over there? Don’t let this happen again.

Texas A&M 31, SMU 17

Texas A&M 48, SMU 3 – SUCCESS!

Alabama at Arkansas – ULM exposed the Petrino-less Razorbacks for what they are: a mediocre program as a whole. Houston Nutt was the master of pulling wins out of nowhere, while Petrino made more with only a good quarterback surrounded by 3-stars. With John L. Smith at the helm, they’re just a bunch of 3-stars with a good quarterback and that’s it. With Wilson gone, they’re middle of the pack at best.

Part of me thinks that if Wilson plays, and it looks like he will, the game may be slightly close for a bit. But if he does not, Alabama will win by 30 or more. I’m picking as if Wilson is playing. He’ll be playing with a slight injury, so that won’t help as much as it normally would. Alabama will win either way.

Alabama 31, Arkansas 20

Alabama 52, Arkansas 0 – SUCCESS!

Florida at Tennessee – Oh, how the media wants this to be a big game like the old days. Please. These are two mediocre teams that have won games over mediocre-at-best teams. I told you Tennessee would be ranked last week after beating up on Georgia State, didn’t I? It’s amazing what a name will do for you.

I really have no idea who’s going to win this one. Part of me thinks Florida because they’ve already been on the road, but then again, I think Tennessee may win because of home field advantage. However, I just don’t think they are close to back to where they were a decade ago, so Florida will win their 8th straight against the Vols.

Florida 23, Tennessee 14

Florida 37, Tennessee 20 – SUCCESS!

Western Kentucky at Kentucky – If Western Kentucky wins do they get to take the name Kentucky? It only makes sense. Doesn’t matter because it won’t happen.

Kentucky 30, Western Kentucky 10

Western Kentucky 32, Kentucky 31 (OT) – FAILURE

Arizona St. at Missouri – Arizona State has scored 108 points this year. Missouri has the offense to keep up with that, and they better. The only Pac-12 team that SEC teams lose to is USC. We don’t lose to Arizona State. Do your part, Missouri. They will. Home field advantage will do it.

Missouri 45, Arizona State 38

Missouri 24, Arizona State 20 – SUCCESS!

Mississippi State at Troy – Auburn lost to a team that is playing at Troy this weekend. AT TROY. How are we supposed to explain to Texas A&M that they shouldn’t be playing at SMU if you’re playing at Troy? And at UAB last year? SMH…

It would be just like State to lose to Troy to make things look worse for Auburn, but they won’t. Even Dan Mullen can’t mess that up.

Mississippi State 34, Troy 17

Mississippi State 30, Troy 24 – SUCCESS!

Florida Atlantic at Georgia – Buffalo AND Florida Atlantic in the first three weeks? Slow down, Dawgs. Pace yourselves. Florida Atlantic is awful. They beat Wagner 7-3 in week one. Who knew Wagner had a football team? That’s usually one of those teams you play early in baseball season, or one of those weird teams that somehow gets a bid in the NCAA basketball tournament.

Georgia will win big.

Georgia 63, Florida Atlantic 3

Georgia 56, Florida Atlantic 20 – SUCCESS!

Idaho at LSU – I see LSU is going the traditional Arkansas route. Play a bunch of cupcakes, or teams with a big name that aren’t actually good, to pad that record before you get to the meat of the schedule. Go ahead and beat those Vandals, you Tigers. We’ll be ready to welcome your new quarterback to his first road game next week. You’re so dead. Ok, that’s about as far as I could go before I started weeping in the corner. I am feeling something big, though.

For the third week in a row, LSU will score 41 points.

LSU 41, Idaho 0

LSU 63, Idaho 14 – SUCCESS!

Texas at Ole Miss – I have no idea why, but I think Ole Miss might win this game. Texas has fallen off the side of the college football world recently. I seriously had no idea what they had done this year until I looked it up. They’re stuck over there in the Big 12, trying to get people to watch them on their station, and seem to be falling into mediocrity.

I know Ole Miss is only 2-0 because of their schedule, but there’s usually a team that ends up being a surprise at the beginning of the season to fill headlines, and then will drop off to their predicted level. For some reason, I think that team is Ole Miss. The Vaught will be filled to capacity with high class drunks wearing bow ties due to a unique visit from a traditional Big 12 powerhouse, and I think that might be all the Rebs need to knock the Longhorns off.

Ole Miss 24, Texas 20

Texas 66, Ole Miss 31 – FAILURE

Other Games of Note

Notre Dame at Michigan State – You’ll never guess, but Notre Dame is ranked. Yeah, with wins over Navy and Purdue. Totally makes sense, right? The Spartans will beat the Irish like a drum in the battle of mascots named after people from other countries/city-states.

Michigan State 31, Notre Dame 10

Notre Dame 20, Michigan State 3 – FAILURE

**Upset Alert**

USC at Stanford – Sure, Stanford struggled against San Jose State in week one, but they blew out Duke last week. They held the Blue Devils to only 2-of-10 three pointers. It was a great defensive performance. But seriously, USC is good, but they are really just the sexy anti-SEC pick. They aren’t THAT good. They struggled against Syracuse last week. You know these upset alerts are all in fun, but it could happen. Maybe.

Stanford 28, USC 27

Stanford 21, USC 14 – SUCCESS!

Twitter Prediction

UL-Monroe at Auburn – The Twitter folk were a more negative this week than I’ve ever seen them. There were no real jokes. There were a few more losses than normal. There were some very close wins. However, the general consensus was around a 14-point Auburn win. I’ll be honest with you, I’m going to need at least a 17-point win to have it not feel somewhat like a loss.

Auburn 31, UL-Monroe 17

Auburn 31, UL-Monroe 28 (OT) – SUCCESS!