Take me down to the cupcake city, where the games are bad, but the picks are pretty. Yes, that’s right. Last week was full of cupcakes for the SEC, which gave me an easy perfect score for SEC games. The only blemish was my extra non-SEC pick of Stanford over USC. Stupid smart kids…
I love Auburn football, but I also sure do love taking a week off to watch other teams stress out during their games. And there are some decent games this week. Let’s get to predicting.
This Week: 8-4 (66.7%)
Last Week: 13-1 (92.9%)
Overall: 31-8 (79.5%)
UMass at Vanderbilt – Vanderbilt is going to start the season with a blowout loss to Temple, a blowout loss to Ole Miss, and this week a blowout loss to UMass. Think about that. An SEC team is going to lose to UMass in a sport other than basketball. James Franklin is the worst thing to ever happen to Vanderbilt. Five years ago, nobody would’ve cared about this start. Now, some people care, and they can’t take it.
UMass 34, Vanderbilt 10
Vanderbilt 34, UMass 31 – FAILURE
UCF at Missouri – Missouri continues their anti-SEC slate to start the season. Seriously, this makes me more mad than I should be, but come on. I hope UCF blasts you. Seriously, I want a SEC team to lose to UCF… <remembers UCF was in a BCS bowl last year> …and they just might.
UCF 28, Missouri 21
Missouri 38, UCF 10 – FAILURE
Arkansas at Texas Tech – Arkansas scored 73 points last week. That’s impressive for a team that wants to slowly and methodically move the ball down the field at a snail’s pace like football was intended to be played.
I bet Bert hates Texas Tech, too. Football coaches are supposed to be big and fat and ugly and wear pullovers in 90-degree August weather. They aren’t supposed to be dreamy hot stud-muffins like KK (my pet name for Kliff Kingsbury). That being said, I gotta give KK the win. It’s a home game and his football team is better than Arkansas.
Texas Tech 31, Arkansas 20
Arkansas 49, Texas Tech 28 – FAILURE
Georgia at South Carolina – The facts that the game is at South Carolina and that Georgia likes to Georgia in games like this makes me want to give South Carolina a chance. But here’s what’ll happen: Georgia will win big, only helping their overblown hype grow because people still subconsciously think South Carolina is good due to their preseason ranking.
It’s going to be called a huge road win against a team that was blown out at home already and struggled against East Carolina last week. Todd Gurley will become the clear Heisman favorite (in the 3rd week of the season), and Georgia will probably jump Auburn in the polls because the Tigers are off. That’s exactly what’s going to happen.
Georgia 35, South Carolina 17
South Carolina 38, Georgia 35 – FAILURE
Mississippi State at South Alabama – No, not really. You are not going to South Alabama. Mississippi State. It was bad enough you went to UAB a few years ago. Now you’re going to a school that has only had a real football team since 2009. You and Missouri pack your stuff, and get out.
Mississippi State 45, South Alabama 10
Mississippi State 35, South Alabama 3 – SUCCESS
Louisiana-Lafayette at Ole Miss – The Ragin’ Cajuns travel north for the Rebels’ first home game of the season and their first game outside of the state of Louisiana. Yep, that’s about all I got for this one. Ole Miss wins.
Ole Miss 42, Louisiana-Lafayette 13
Ole Miss 56, Louisiana-Lafayette 15 – SUCCESS
Southern Miss at Alabama – Auburn may not be playing Saturday, but part of Auburn will have an effect on this game. Auburn defensive coordinator Ellis Johnson led the Southern Miss Golden Eagles to an 0-12 record in 2012 and they’ve never really recovered yet. Therefore, Heisman-candidate Jacob Coker may be able to get some playing time.
Alabama 38, Southern Miss 7
Alabama 52, Southern Miss 12 – SUCCESS
Louisiana-Monroe at LSU – The Duck Dynasty crew are LSU fans, yet they live in Monroe. Some even went to what is now known as Louisiana-Monroe. Louisiana-Monroe once beat Alabama in football, but they won’t beat LSU on Saturday.
LSU 41, Louisiana-Monroe 7
LSU 31, Louisiana-Monroe 0 – SUCCESS
Kentucky at Florida – Florida will be wearing orange jerseys against the Wildcats. They’ve also beat the Wildcats 25 or so times in a row. Who whsn’t, amirite?! Oh…
Kentucky has looked impressive so far this season… against UT-Martin and Ohio. Florida hasn’t played anybody either, but they’re obviously the better team. By a lot.
Florida 45, Kentucky 14
Florida 36, Kentucky 30 – SUCCESS
Tennessee at Oklahoma – Whoa nelly! This could be a good one. But see, it’s really not. It’s two big names, but it’s Oklahoma (who will probably win the Big 12) and Tennessee who will probably end up around 7-5 at best. You never know, though. Oklahoma isn’t deserving of their top 5 ranking at all and Tennessee is improved. But I hear like 2/3 of their team has never traveled for a college football team. That’ll be enough for the Sooners to get their signature SEC win.
Oklahoma 34, Tennessee 21
Oklahoma 34, Tennessee 10 – SUCCESS
Rice at Texas A&M – After demolishing South Carolina in week 1, Texas A&M decided to take September off. They beat Lamar last week, have Rice this week, then SMU, then Arkansas. All that’s going to do is move them into the top 5 eventually and give Kenny “Trill” more stats for the Heisman pundits. I hate college football.
Texas A&M 54, Rice 20
Texas A&M 38, Rice 10 – SUCCESS
Other Games of Note
UCLA at Texas – Yeah, I put this one here because it’s about the only national game that looks impressive by the names. UCLA is nowhere near what people wanted them to be, and Texas is exactly where they were last year. UCLA wins, but it’ll be nothing to write home about.
UCLA 37, Texas 21
UCLA 20, Texas 17 – SUCCESS
Now that you know who will win, head on over to the 2014 War Blogle Pick ’em and get your picks in. There will be weekly prizes and and overall winner at the end of the season. It’s easy. Do it.