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Ranking the SEC after Week 1

I hate preseason polls, and I really hate early season polls. We know nothing. So let me rank the SEC after one week. It makes sense… and YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHERE I HAVE AUBURN.


1. Alabama (1-0)

Oh look, in extremely boring fashion they beat a team everybody called good just so they could call a game good. I feel like I’ve heard this before.

Last week: beat Florida State 24-7

2. Auburn (1-0)

A dominant defensive performance and a rusty but definitely good enough offensive performance is enough for me to say that the Tigers join the Tide in the top of the SEC.

Last week: beat Georgia Southern 41-7

3. Georgia (1-0)

Jacob Eason injured his knee so some hot shot freshman came in and continued the beating of a lesser opponent. Hopefully they don’t embarrass the SEC in South Bend this weekend.

Last week: beat Appalachian State 31-10

4. LSU (1-0)

I’m not sure who thought scheduling LSU and BYU would be one of those exciting opening week bowl-type games. It’s a meh SEC team playing a team that’s good at their lower level of football. And the score exactly represented that.

Last week: beat BYU 27-0

5. Texas A&M (0-1)

Despite a monumental collapse, it still took some work to dominate the first half of the game, too. So while the rest of the season will go into a tailspin because of this, it’s not there yet.

Last week: lost to UCLA 45-44

6. Florida (0-1)

Sure, the Gators were missing 800 players for their opening game with Michigan, but this offense is bad, man. Bad.

Last week: lost to Michigan 33-17

7. Tennessee (1-0)

This is going to be the exact same Tennessee team as last year, isn’t it? Squeaking out games they had no business winning, while rising up the mediocre SEC East. Let’s hope they get squashed a little earlier this season.

Last week: beat Georgia Tech 42-41

8. South Carolina (1-0)

Jake Bentley is good enough to give the Gamecocks two or three more wins than they’d normally get. A defense run by Will Muschamp should help as well. South Carolina might be a contender in the East.

Last week: beat NC State 35-28

9. Missouri (1-0)

How do you have a team that can score 72, but give up 43 to a team like Missouri State? Because you don’t deserve to be in the SEC. That’s how.

Last week: beat Missouri State 72-43

10. Mississippi State (1-0)

Dan Mullen’s Maroons feasted on a team that doesn’t like a football team. Buccaneers from something called Charleston Southern? I can’t even.

Last week: beat Charleston Southern 49-0

11. Ole Miss (1-0)

Ole Miss better take these wins while they can get them. Their quarterback isn’t bad at all, but it’s not long before real teams start the beginning of the end for the Rebs.

Last week: beat South Alabama 47-27

12. Arkansas (1-0)

The Razorbacks easily handled the Rattlers. That sounds like some awesome episode of Animal Planet.

Last week: beat FAMU 49-7

13. Kentucky (1-0)

I picked Kentucky to lose to Southern Miss. Instead, they barely beat them. I don’t have a clue on the Wildcats right now, but I’m guessing it’s nothing outside of typical.

Last week: beat Southern Miss 24-17

14. Vanderbilt (1-0)

Derek Mason might have the Commodores near a James Franklin level. Maybe. Middle Tennessee is typically no slouch.

Last week: beat Middle Tennessee 28-6

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