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Football

What Really Happened

Thanks to cousin Kris for the latest account in what he said she said what somebody’s daddy said in regards to Tony Franklin’s firing. Before you skip over this post thinking it’s going to be a carbon copy of those emails that have been circulating, take a gander at this story from someone with reliable sources.

My sister’s mother’s son is a really smart person, and this is what he says happened with Franklin.

Franklin woke up Tuesday morning and decided that he was tired of faking like he was a nice guy and it was about time to unleash the real Tony Franklin. He got out of bed, kicked his dog a few times, and urinated without flushing or putting the seat back down. He then turned the shower on and let it run for thirty minutes while he read the paper and ate Little Debbies. When he was done with the paper, he threw it in the trash and threw the Little Debbie wrappers in the paper recycling bin. He then used a towel to wipe away any deodorant from the previous day and left the towel on the floor for his wife to pick up.

As Franklin exited the bathroom, he glanced towards the running shower and turned all the bathroom lights on. Next, he walked through his kitchen and smacked his wife on the fanny, who was cooking bacon at the time. He threw the bacon against the wall, but he made sure he got some bacon grease on his hands and he rubbed it in his hair.

Franklin then walked into his garage, removed the muffler from his car, and drove to work. He drove 80 miles per hour in a 45 mph zone, swerving towards women and children. Arriving at the athletic complex, he parked his car and violently opened his door, putting a huge dent in Hugh Nall’s truck. He didn’t leave a note.

Walking into the athletic complex, Franklin swatted a cup of coffee out of a trainer’s hands and stormed into the players’ meeting, which had already started. Upon busting into the room, Franklin ripped off his shirt, started screaming “WILD BOYS!!!”, and challenged the players and other coaches to oil wrestle him. Coach Knox began to remove his pants, but the other coaches were able to restrain him.

On Wednesday, upon hearing of the previous day’s events, Tuberville called Franklin into his office and said, “the only person who will be oil wrestling my coaches and players is me. Now, pack up your crap and get out of here”.

And that, my friends, is what really happened, according to my sister’s mother’s son, who is a really smart person.

Can we all just have some common sense please and stop living like a bunch of conspiracy theorists? We’re beginning to sound like a bunch of Bammers.

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6 comments

bandwagon 10/10/2008 at 2:35 pm

I knew this was going to happen. I knew the spread wouldn’t work at Auburn. Yea I might have said at the beginning of the season that Auburn would win the west and average 400 yards per game, but I knew the whole time that it was going to flop. I also knew Alabama would win the SEC and that JPW is the best QB in the conference.

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The WarBlogler 10/10/2008 at 2:39 pm

oh bandwagon, tell us how we all should be as well…

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krisb 10/12/2008 at 9:10 pm

Sounds like Tubs is having open tryouts for qb. Trotter included. After reading a couple of articles today I think we’ve seen the last of Todd.

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trigger 10/13/2008 at 3:04 am

Give Caudle his shot. Don’t waste burning the red shirt on Barret “The Iguana” Trotter.

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bandwagon 10/13/2008 at 4:19 pm

I’ve been saying all season that Texas was the best team in the country. They have freakin Will Muschamp, who left Auburn. It’s been so clear that Texas is the best team in the country just like it was clear that Tony Franklin was going to be fired. I saw this coming before the season started. The spread will never work at Auburn.

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The WarBlogler 10/14/2008 at 8:47 am

Yeah looks like they will blame Todd’s shoulder on his permanent benching. He’ll be resting it for the rest of the season before he transfers to a D-II Kentucky school in the offseason.

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