After a few big games in the opening week of the season, the SEC has gone to cupcake city. Seriously, it’s awful. And to top it off, the only SEC matchup is a cupcake as well. Ole Miss getting Vandy is worse than most of the other teams playing Sun Belt foes. On the bright side, this should pad my prediction stats.
This Week: 0-0 (0.0%)
Last Week: 10-3 (76.2%)
Overall: 10-3 (76.2%)
Florida Atlantic at Alabama – The Crimson Tide continues their murderer’s row to show us what playing real football is all about. However, Florida Atlantic is about the 3rd toughest game on their schedule so we may be able to see the “best quarterback Nick Saban has coached at Alabama,” Jacob Coker, hit the field for the first time this season. The Alabama Crimson NFL Tide will roll over another huge but inferior opponent.
Alabama 45, FAU 7
Missouri at Toledo– I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but I want Missouri gone. For the second year in a row, they don’t play an SEC team until the 5th game of the season. Now they are traveling TO Toledo. You don’t do that. You just don’t.
Missouri 31, Toledo 17
Arkansas State at Tennessee – Trooper Taylor returns to Knoxville as a member of the Arkansas State staff, and he’ll face his former coaching partner Tommy Thigpen on the Tennessee sideline. It’s like 2010 Auburn all up in here.
Everybody is all high on Rocky Top because they handily beat Utah State. They’re high on that because Utah State almost beat Auburn in 2011. We should all slow down, but we won’t because Tennessee will go to 2-0.
Tennessee 34, Arkansas State 10
UAB at Mississippi State – Remember when Mississippi State went to UAB a few years ago. Yeah, that was embarrassing. Now the mighty Blazers, who just blew out Troy, come to play Mississippi State, who just blew out Southern Miss. That sounds like a nice little Sun Belt/C-USA quad-rivalry doesn’t it? Let’s make that happen. Yeah, I’m all about getting bad teams out of the conference this week.
Mississippi State 31, UAB 14
Ohio at Kentucky – Ohio played and barely beat Kent State last week. This week, they are playing Kentucky. What’s next? <tried to find something that started with Kent, but couldn’t think of one, but still going with the setup of the joke>. Anyway, Kentucky rocked UT-Martin last week. The same UT-Martin that wears the exact same uniforms as Auburn, which meant every time I saw a highlight, I was highly confused.
Kentucky is going to be 2-0. I repeat, Kentucky is going to be 2-0.
Kentucky 35, Ohio 20
Eastern Michigan at Florida – Florida couldn’t even beat Idaho. What makes you think they can beat Eastern Michigan? Well, I hear the Eagles are having a real down year, so I guess the Gators will pull it out.
Florida 52, Eastern Michigan 3
Nicholls State at Arkansas – I see you, Bielema. You knew things were gonna be so bad at Auburn that you scheduled a team your bloody, downtrodden Razorbacks would be able to beat the following week. Watch out for the Fighting Nicholls, though.
Arkansas 38, Nicholls State 9
Ole Miss at Vanderbilt – Finally, a hardcore SEC rivalry. There’s no way the Vanderbilt we saw get by 30 points against Temple is the real Vandy. They’ll rise up and take on the mighty Rebels of Mississippi… and get beat by 45 points in front of their half-filled home stadium.
Ole Miss 45, Vanderbilt 0
East Carolina at South Carolina – South Carolina, in an attempt to slow things down and get back to teams they can beat to re-boost their hype machine, will be taking on the smaller teams in their area. It starts this week with East Carolina, and for the ultimate boost, will end with Clemson at the end of the season.
South Carolina 42, East Carolina 17
Sam Houston State at LSU – The SEC just keeps on keeping on with the horrendous slate of the week. After coming back to beat Wisconsin last week, LSU will keep it down home and take on Sam Houston. I mean, like, I can’t even think of anything else to say. It’s just a horrible game. Eat some grass. Yay.
LSU 41. Sam Houston State 7
Lamar at Texas A&M – Kenny Hill pads his for-sure Heisman stats against some dude named Lamar.
Texas A&M 51, Lamar 13
San Jose State at Auburn – Check tomorrow’s preview for the prediction. Spoiler alert: POINTS.
Other Games of Note
Michigan State at Oregon – Oregon is playing somebody? Oh, it’s that team I loved last year around the SEC Championship Game, but ended up getting way too much hype because they were the only decent team from the Big 10. I want Michigan State to win, but I just don’t see it happening. Then again, Oregon loses the one tough game they play a year…. Nah, they’ll save that for UCLA this year.
Oregon 41, Michigan State 20
USC at Stanford – USC hates their coach. Stanford hates world hunger and split infinitives. Stanford is more unified in their hatred, so they’ll win, especially at home.
Stanford 24, USC 17
Now that you know who will win, head on over to the 2014 War Blogle Pick ’em and get your picks in. There will be weekly prizes and and overall winner at the end of the season. It’s easy. Do it.